tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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