Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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