You smell like a Billy Joel song
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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