WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
