All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
