True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
