Umm I'm too high to move.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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