Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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