ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
