Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
