is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
