I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My nipple is on Facebook.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
