and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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