Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
