i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
