Ambien. No doubt about it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
