I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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