K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
