from now on my penis is your penis
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I got inside last night via doggy door
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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