I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
