And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
