what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
