I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
