you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
