Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
