dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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