Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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