Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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