I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
