You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
