It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
