New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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