I think I died a long time ago.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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