Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
