he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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