I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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