I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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