end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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