i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
