JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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