That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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