I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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