My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love having hate sex.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
