Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
