He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
