i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
