Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize