I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
