The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
