Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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