So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
