I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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