I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
