somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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