I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
