my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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