You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
