Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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