dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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