Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
