I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
