Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
