I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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