I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
