I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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