Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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