I wish I only lived at night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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