i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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