I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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