I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
