Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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